How to deal with difficult people?

A.    Communicate effectively: The most important thing is to communicate effectively with difficult people. There are 5 critical points that I will mention below. I also named the model “OPENS” so you can remember it easier. I’m probably ready to participate in the “letters and numbers” game show. Ok. Enjoy reading it and don’t forget to share it with a person who needs it.

1.      Be Objective: You need to use objective language when you are addressing the issue. You can find a difference between objective and subjective language by looking at following example:

Subjective: your behaviour is annoying. Objective: You interrupt your team mate when they are talking.

2.      Positive language: You need to address the issue in a positive way. It can help to cool off the situation and make discussions more productive. Here is an example of the difference between Charged language and positive one:

Charged language: You must stop being a bitter enemy. Positive language: You need to build a strong working relationship.

3.      Use examples: Remember, the person’s behaviour is obvious for you and may be others but not for the person himself. It is not unusual if the person tells you, "what are you talking about?". So to deliver your message more effectively, you need to use some examples. To do so, you need to have a good recording skill. Record what you observe. Here is an example of using example in discussion:

Yesterday, at the managers’ meeting, you answered your mobile and interrupted the speakers three times.

4.      Nonverbal language: You need to be aware of nonverbal signals from the person. Sometimes, we see but we don’t observe. This might cause some misunderstanding. The good communicator has a good ability to read others nonverbal language.

You need to be aware your own nonverbal language. In fact, we form our impressions of others and interpret ambiguous messages in a rough ratio of 7% from actual words, 38% from tone of voice, and 55% from nonverbal communication (body language, dress, grooming). So what you need to focus more on is tone of your voice and your nonverbal signals. I’ll address this issue in details later in the blog. 

5.      Be specific and accurate: Sometimes, we exaggerate things to make our points but the points might be lost in the shadow of exaggerations. Consider the above example, you would say: The other day, you answered your mobile and interrupted the speakers about 10 times. Being accurate can foster trust and motivate others to change their behaviour.

B.     Be confident:  It is evident that human being is the most intellectual being ever walked on the earth; however our behaviours sometimes are based on very basic “hunter and prey” theory. Simmilar to animal predators who cull the weakest prey to hunt, difficult people look for a weak people or weakness in you to be dominant. So the key element is to be confident.

C.     Learn a lesson: Imagine you have a team assignment and one of your team members is a difficult person.  You've never faced with this type of difficult individual before and don’t have experience how to deal with him/her. Anyway, she/he would negatively affect the final team performance. You are very angry and blame yourself why things went this way. Here, my advice is to stop blaming yourself. Instead you can consider this experience as an opportunity to learn new things. You should be thankful that the difficult person motivated you to become a better and more knowledgeable person.

D.     Treat them like they are your customers: This is good strategy to deal with difficult people even if he/she is your co-worker, subordinate or boss, try to treat them as they are your customers. We usually put our feet in customers’ shoes to understand them better. This can be done in related to other people as well. I believe this attitude can help you to deal with them in a more effective way.

E.     Be professional: If you think talking behind the person makes you feel better. First of all, more you talk about sometime, more you notice it. Secondly,  it just makes things more complicated as difficult person might talk against you as well. Remember, they are more experience and some of them have played this game for ages, so playing their game is not a smart move. However, you can talk face to face with the person, in a very respectful and confident manner to solve the problem. 

 

F.      Focus on action not attitude: It would be better to focus on people’s actions rather than their attitudes. Don’t worry if your team member or employee is not the loveliest person in the world. If he/she delivers great customer service or submit her/his assignment on time, that’s what you need to count.